hell yes lets make some ravioli
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
