we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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