My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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