I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
