You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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