Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
