I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
