Porn is love you can see.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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