Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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