so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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