okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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