just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
