you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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