So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
