How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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