you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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