ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize