I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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