Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
