I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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