I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
