Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
