I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
