also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
