and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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