I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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