That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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