What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
