I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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