the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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