oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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