And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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