i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
