I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
