Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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