so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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