hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
