Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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