Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
