i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
