i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
