ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
