Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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