If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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