Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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