dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
