I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
