exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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