I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I came so hard my ears popped.
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