I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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