Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
