I just threw up on my dentist
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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