More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
