i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
