Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
don't judge my taste in strippers
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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