She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
