She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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