I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
