i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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