I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
