The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
