Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
