Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
