Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
