Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
