I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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