I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize