so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
