do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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