Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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